It is our senior year and, for me, "senioritis" has set in. I knew it was bound to happen but I didn't know it would happen this early in the school year. As I look towards the future and all that God has for us as workers in His ministry, I am filled with excitement and anticipation. I want it to happen right now that I lose sight of the "right now."
I am doing a Priscilla Shirer Bible study about Gideon and am learning so much about myself that I wanted to share it with you. Gideon was a timid, shy, "comfortable" man whose world was turned upside-down when God asked him to lead the Israelites in a battle against the Midianites. God told him from the beginning that he would win, yet Gideon questioned God...not once, but twice. Wow! Boy, do I do that! Are you sure, God that you want me to be a missionary? Remember me, the shy, timid, weak woman? The one who messes up? The one who questions you?
When these doubts and questions come, the Holy Spirit immediately says It's not about you, it's about ME! When you are weak, I am strong.
If any of you reading this are feeling insecure, unqualified, weak, scared, or any other title, know this...God is in control and He knows how you feel. Isaiah 41:10 says that God will help you and give you strength. You just have to trust that what you are going through is part of His plan to help you rely on Him and not on yourself. This is a difficult lesson that God is teaching me. I tend to be hard-headed and like to be in control so God has extra work He has to do to get my attention. I still have my moments when God has to teach me, yet again, but I am certainly growing in this area.
Something else that God is teaching me through Gideon's story is waiting. As I said earlier, I am anxious to get school done so that I can move on to the next thing. The problem with doing that is, if I'm not careful, I could miss out on what God is trying to teach me right now. Gideon did the same thing. After God told him that he would defeat the Midianites, Gideon completely trusted God. But, then he began making his own decisions instead of waiting for God to give him instructions for the next assignment.
Is anyone else guilty of following their own plan instead of waiting on God's direction? I certainly am. Before God called us to be missionaries, I had my own agenda: my dream home with a big yard and nice landscape; my kids had room to play and great friends to enjoy. Then one day, it was gone. We moved into an apartment with no yard and all the friends were back at the old house. At first, I was not happy. I still reminisce about the house and all the plans I had, but I know that I am right where God wants me even in this little apartment. I am in His Will and being there out weighs all other "plans" I ever had for my life.
In closing, I would like to leave you with this verse:
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-29,31